Occasionally I become whimsical and consider getting a pet even though I can’t remember to feed myself most of the time so I don’t know how I’d keep from inadvertently killing the darling creature, BUT ANYWAY. Today’s whimsical pet fancy — owning a canary and keeping him in an antique cage. Apparently canaries are really solitary and don’t enjoy interaction with their owners, so I could just coolly admire him from afar and it would be like my relationship with every other living thing on the planet that I don’t immediately hate and/or find exceedingly dull. Woah, canary, don’t get too close; it’ll ruin the mystique of our relationship.